New Years Resolutions: My top parenting lessons of 2019
As 2019 draws to an end, I am looking back and reflecting on the mistakes I feel I made with the beauty of hindsight.
Rather than seeing these mistakes as negative experiences, I am turning them into lessons to help me journey through 2020 with a little more ease.
I have to be honest I haven’t found 2019 to be the easiest year. Navigating life as a mum of 2 whilst running a business has been no easy task.
Coupled with family members who are struggling with health issues, losing my grandfather and ending the year with Pneumonia. To put it bluntly, it has been a sh*tstorm.
I have had many low days, where I just want to give everything up but for the majority of time, I still believe that everything happens for a reason and that each challenge brings with it a lesson.
A chance for me to become a better person and to add another strength to my tapestry.
Here are my top lessons of 2019, a different spin on New Year’s Resolutions.
1. Who I am
Since becoming a mother of two I have realised that it is increasingly easy to put your own needs at the bottom of the pile.
Before children I’d say I was more of a free spirit, who loves a sense of adventure, spontaneity and excitement.
Earlier this year, I put who I am to the side to take care of our children. I quickly realised that doing this without an element of at least being who I truly am sometimes, lead to me feeling resentful and unhappy.
In 2020, I look forward to doing something that I enjoy away from being a mother or a wife, at least once a fortnight.
2. I cannot be their everything
You may have seen my blog “Is It okay to not enjoy being a mum?”, which I wrote earlier this year.
I thought my role was to be their everything but it turned out to be at the detriment of my health and happiness.
I also need to be my everything! If I can be happier and healthier, I have more to give to them.
In 2020, I will strive to build a life for them where they can be happy and healthier without relying on me for this 24/7. After all, if I am their everything, how will they know how to survive when I am no longer here?
3. Social media – The Good and The Bad
Social media can be both good and evil. It has been great for connecting with new people both professionally and personally.
However, it is the mother of all evils, when you see “perfect” images of mothers or families who seem to have it all together. They say a picture speaks a thousand words, but does it?
A photograph is just a moment in time and doesn’t picture the whole story. I pledge in 2020, I will try to share more honest and raw chapters of my life as well as be mindful that what I see on social media is not a reality of how people’s lives are.
4. Bye Bye Super Mum
The super mum analogy is cruel. Why do I get into this trap? What even is a super mum and why do most mums find themselves trying to achieve this status?
I see a super mum as a mum that keep all the plates of their life spinning without ever dropping one or smashing them all?
It turns out that there is no such human being, I knew this but still found myself trying to be the machine. I was waking at 5am everyday, going running, looking after the kids, trying to see my friends, finding time for my husband, working during nap times and in the evening.
At some point, something had to give and for me it was my health. In 2020, I shall be telling the super mum to do one and allowing myself to crack or crumble whenever need be.
5. Health you are my everything
My biggest lesson this year to date. In October, I developed Pneumonia and 3 months on I am still unwell, in pain most days and suffering with fatigue.
I truly believed this all stemmed from trying to be the super mum and do it all. I ignored my health needs by putting everything else first.
I was absolutely obsessed with putting every minute into my business. This is a huge regret, because without my health I have nothing. In 2020, my health, such as my nutrition, mind, sleep and exercise are my top priority, everything else will flow after this.
6. Trust in myself and the universe
Until I was really unwell with Pneumonia, my year was run by my anxiety and fear. This is why I was working so hard, I didn’t trust that I could have a successful business unless I pushed and worked myself into the ground.
Ironically since my path was taken out of my hands by Pneumonia, I have had to trust that everything will be okay. And to be honest things have been more than okay. In 2020, I shall be working on trusting myself and others as well as be mindful of my fears and anxieties rather than letting them run my life.
7. Life is a gift
This year we lost our Grandfather. Although I wasn’t close to him due to proximity, I miss him dearly. Spending time with him leading up to his death was a very special time where I feel I learnt many life lessons. There are too many to mention here but I shall share a few with you.
Death is an inevitable part of life and although it can feel unbearable, it greatly makes you reflect on your own life. My Grandpa lived life to the full, it was jampacked with memories and adventures.
Whilst he was nearing the end, he was still showing how proud he was of his family. He shared with us many of his regrets, which really did make me think how short and precious life is.
Equally, I know he wouldn’t want me to be miserable due to his death and one of his final lucid words to me was “Look how sparkly you are”. So in 2020, I am aiming to not take life for granted and try to bring my sparkle into everything I do.
I see these as a slightly different spin on how to write New Year’s resolutions.
I wish you all a Happy New Year and feel free to share this blog if it resonated with you or comment with your own resolutions or lessons.
