How to reconnect with your pre parent self
I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss my old life, my pre parent self. You know the one where you can drink hot cups of tea and coffee, go for a wee on your own, sleep all night and wake when you want to (on non-working days). Jokes aside, it is more than that, I miss the spontaneity and freedom of mostly doing what you want, when you want.
That does not mean that I don’t love my children, and that I regret having them. Of course, I love them and they bring so much joy (at times).
If you feel the same, please do not worry that you are abnormal or that you a sh*t parent, I come across many mums (and dads) who feel exactly the same.
For mums especially, there is an unspoken societal expectation that you should just say goodbye to your pre parent self, and childrearing/working is now what you should be putting all of your time and energy into to. And that you should be grateful for having them and not mourn the loss of your old life.
I think the key word there is “Should”. Shoulds…. Where do they come from? Who defines these should? Is it you or is it society, history, family, friends, media, outdated ways?
For the parents who try to re-connect with their pre parent self since having babies, they can be seen as selfish, lucky, enjoying luxuries. Is this true? Or are they investing in their happiness?
I mean it is no wonder that Post Natal Depression rates are so high in the UK. It makes you think what would happen if funds were invested in supporting parents with their self care, self worth and self esteem from pregnancy and throughout the early years of parenting? Or let’s take it a step further, how can we teach our children to place high value on self care in the early years?
Of course, your own personal situation determines how much time and money you can invest in doing the things that make you happy outside of your children. It is important to be realistic with what you can do rather than what you can’t is key to not becoming even more frustrated or resentful.
For instance, I used to go to gigs regularly pre children, or out for drinks every Saturday and Sunday night. It is not realistic that I can do this now, especially given my children wake up at 6am! However, I can dip my toes in so that I organise regular nights out which make them feel really special when I do this. Regular doesn’t have to mean weekly, it just means it is a reoccurring event.
Your situation or what brings you joy maybe totally different to me. However, here are 10 realistic ways to reconnect with your pre parent self
Improve your child’s sleep challenges by working with a Sleep Coach. Book your free sleep consultation here for your no obligation chat about your child’s sleep. Yes some may say I am biased, but do remember I was in your shoes, a severely sleep deprived parent who also worked with a Sleep Consultant.
If you fortunate enough to have family/friends close by, ask if they would babysit for you. If you don’t have family, you could do a babysit swap with a friend
If you have a partner, discuss them looking after the children so you can do something for you
If neither are an option check out www.childcare.co.uk ,babysitting services such as Sitters, or ask your childcare setting if they have a babysitting list
If leaving home isn’t an option yet, plan at home date nights with your other half invite a bestie over or new friend over. The adventure challenge book is your friend here
Become mindful of how much you spend on your children e.g. new toys, books, clothes and try to save some of that budget for you by buying less or secondhand
Declutter and sell unused/unwanted items to put towards your self care budget
Use supermarket vouchers such as Tesco Clubcard to save money on days and nights out
Commit to yourself to do 1 or 2 “big” things for yourself in a timeframe that suits your situation. For example, some parents this could be once a month, for others this maybe once every 6 months or more. Make this something that you loved to do before you had kids, that really makes you feel like your true self
Join a gym with a kids clubs so that you can go to the gym, relax or just take care of you. David Lloyd Gyms in the UK have great kids and holiday clubs
