Reclaim your bed: How to help your child to sleep in their own bed
“I want my bed back”, is probably the most common wish I hear from my sleepless clients.
Bedsharing, also known as co-sleeping (with all safety measures in place) is a fantastic way of optimising both yours and your child’s sleep. Most of my clients who I work with choose this method of sleeping because they are desperate for sleep and this is the only way for that to happen.
Regardless of the reason why you chose to bedshare, you may find now that you need your bed back as you have another baby on the way, your child is keeping you awake in your own bed, or you have just had enough and need your own space back.
Before discussing how to help your child to move into their own bed, firstly it is important to consider safety whilst you are still bedsharing, especially if you have a young baby. The most useful safety advice is written by La Leche League, known as Safe Sleep Seven.
Here are my four first Steps on how to move your child into their own room
Room ready
If your child’s bedroom is currently a storage facility, start to make sure the room is ready and safe for them to sleep in. Depending on the age of your child, you will probably find it helpful to install cordless black out blinds or curtains, a video monitor, secure furniture to walls, possibly a stairgate, a red night light as a few examples.
If you have a baby or toddler that is moving straight onto a floor bed, ensure that the room is toddler safe. For younger children in a cot, make sure it is a clear space with no toys, cuddly toys, cot bumpers or wedges.
Time in their room
Many of my bedsharing clients that I work with find that their child’s bedroom turns into a spare room or dumping ground because their sleep thief never sleeps in there. In order for your child to feel comfortable to sleep in their own space, now is the time to help your child to feel safe and comfortable spending time in their bedroom.
For example, if you don’t already use the room for dressing and undressing, reading to your child, feeding, and generally chilling then start to introduce this before attempting to move your child into their own room. I would be cautious with introducing play and toys in their bedroom, because it may lead to your child associating their bedroom with play rather than relaxing and sleeping.
Avoid overtiredness
There is nothing worse than trying to move a child out of your bed and settled into their bed when they are overtired. When your baby or toddler is overtired they are likely to either resist going to sleep, wake up more frequently, wake early the following day or for do all of these. The younger your child, the less time they can be awake for without becoming overtired, whereas the older your child is the longer they can be awake for without it affecting their bedtime or night time sleep. Moving your child out of your bed into theirs is more than possible, it won’t necessarily be easy but will feel extremely overwhelming and challenging if your baby or toddler are screaming due to overtiredness. Improving your child’s naps and/or bringing bedtime earlier is the route to avoiding overtiredness. Discover example awake window guides for your baby or toddler.
Boundaries
The hardest part of trying to improve your child’s sleep when you are sleep deprived is being consistent. It is a lot easier in the middle of the night to cave and bring your baby or toddler into your bed. The great thing about this is, it usually works. Although not necessarily for you to have more sleep. The downside is it means you are stuck doing what you always do with no way of getting your bed back. A great middle ground is to have a floor mattress in your baby or toddler’s room, if the going gets tough you can sleep in there. This means that your child knows that this is where they sleep but you are there to comfort them should they need it. This is also a really good first step to gently introduce the concept of their new sleep space.
Those are my four first steps to reclaiming your bed and moving your child back into their bed in their own room.
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If you feel you need further support to improve your baby’s or toddlers sleep, then come on over to Gentle Sleep Training for Working Parents Facebook community where you find further free sleep advice and support.
